btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
