Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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