The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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