you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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