Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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