I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
