All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
