My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
