Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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