have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
