he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
