Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
