Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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