$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
