Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
