do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
