if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
