I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
