I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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