i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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