I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
