Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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