Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
