wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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