how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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