New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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