he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
