saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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