I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
