I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
