He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
