In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
