I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
