Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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