A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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