if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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