He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
