I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
