So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
