just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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