I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
