Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
