I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
