Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
