I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Please don't give away my fajitas
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
