he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
