Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
