so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
