Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
