My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
