where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
