He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
