Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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