Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
