Just cropdusted the office
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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